TITLE: Get Kraven Part One

Summary

The story opens with a screenwriter meeting the movie producers that are financing his script. The two producers are fat slobs who multitask by stuffing their faces while ripping the writer to shreds. They essentially take his script and threaten to hand it over to Kevin Smith, which devastates the writer. The producers offer the script back to the writer, but only if he throws in $100,000.

The scene cuts to Al Kravinov, who is watching a movie with his girlfriend, Timby. Al Kravinov is Kraven the Hunter's mutant son, who is blessed with both charm and powers. Al is currently suffering from a crisis of conscience. For too long, he has been a pampered trust fund brat, and now wants to find his purpose in life. He heads off into the night to try to think things out for himself.

While soul-searching, Kravinov runs into Spider-Man, who is taking care of Cobra and Hyde. Kravinov joins in and helps Spider-Man to put them away. Spidey suggests that Kravinov take up crimefighting on a regular basis, but they come up with the idea that Kravinov should go to Hollywood. And a star is soon born...

Opinion

Okay, I've seen some bad comics in my day, but this tripe made me regret spending good money. And by comparing this comic to tripe, I've just insulted tripe everywhere. Does Joe Quesada need to pander to anyone and everyone in Hollywood that has any interest in comic books? It's about the only way Get Kraven would even get a green light...

In this case, the Hollywood connection is writer, Ron Zimmerman. Ron's resume includes producing television shows ranging from Pamela Anderson's "VIP" to "7th Heaven." He's also written for "The Michael Richards Show" and "Vinnie and Bobby" (a Fox TV vehicle for a pre-Friends Matt LeBlanc), which should give you a hint of what to expect from "Get Kraven." Both shows didn't last out their first seasons, primarily because the shows were terrible. All I can say is too bad this mini-series probably won't be cancelled before all seven issues are out.

So what's wrong with Zimmerman's writing? For starters, his attempts at humor fail miserably. I believe he intended to make the first scene with the screenwriter humorous, but I can't be sure, since it was completely unfunny. In fact, it was just painful to read. The rest of the comic focuses on Kravinov's search for a goal in life. And what is more meaningful than to become a movie producer? What better way is there to reach the masses than to make movies? Is this cutting satire, or is it a self-congratulatory pat on the back?

Whatever Zimmerman's intention might be, it's lost on me. Maybe I'm just not cool enough to appreciate his witty banter. Maybe I just don't get the Hollywood thing. Maybe I just can't stand his uninspired pop culture references. But somehow, I don't think I'm alone when I say that Zimmerman's style is ill-suited for comic books.

I should have known to leave this comic book on the shelf. It's not like I wasn't clued into the possibilities, since Marvel tacked on preview pages of Get Kraven into many of their monthly comics (which have been collected and included in this comic book). Zimmerman is also responsible for the insipid Spider-Man/Jay Leno story that was also previewed in other comics.

John McCrea's art is okay, but I did not particularly enjoy this comic's look. The art reminds me of something out of Cracked Magazine. The bottom line is that the art is too cartoonish. The style suits the story, but is not particularly appealing. Check out McCrea's art in DC's Hitman if you want to see some of his better work.

Conclusion

The bottom line is that not all Hollywood writers can cross over into comics and pull off a Kevin Smith or a J. Michael Straczynski. This comic is only available because the Spider-Man movie makes this a viable product. There are thousands of unsuspecting fans of the movie that would pick this up, just because Spider-Man is on the cover. Trust me, this turkey will soon be found in the quarter bins.

Just stay away. Avoid this comic. Don't "Get Kraven." You'll be sorry. I know I am...